Monday, February 15, 2010

EPIC FAIL (in which I give you the tools to follow in my footsteps)

As the title states, I had an EPIC FAIL moment this weekend.

TASK: write 26 pages single-spaced totaling 2 1/2 chapters

FINAL COUNT: 5 single-spaced pages, totaling 1/2 a chapter

EXPLANATION:

1) Writing for 75% of those 5 pages was worse than having my teeth pulled out without drugs. Every sentence came out wrong and I deleted it four times before I was reasonably satisfied. I've come to the conclusion every once in a while a day weekend comes along that kicks you in the butt repeatedly and you have very little to show for it other than the shame of a failed challenge. SHAME *shakes head*

2) The following websites called yelled my name until I visited them and abandoned the sinking ship that I sometimes call my WIP:

a. www.mylifeisaverage.com a website of hilarious stories posted by average, everyday people. May seem like a snooze but check these out:

Example A: "Today, 2 guys approached me at a bar. The first guy bought me a drink and asked for my number. The second guy said "If you were a dementor, I'd become a criminal just to a get a kiss from you." Guess who I left the bar with? MLIA."
(Oh isn't it nice to think that there's a billionth of a chance I may have some random person reference something I've made up in my mind, written down, and then got a 5 book deal for?? Yes, yes it is.)

Example B: "Today, I was sitting in chemistry when suddenly the kid that sits next to me (and always sleeps through the entire class) sat up and yelled "zinc!" he then threw his pencil at the huge periodic table hanging on the wall then put his head back down. Upon further we were all just staring at the kid, until I looked up and saw his pencil..still stuck in the periodic table..right in the middle of zinc. My teacher thought it was amazing so we left the pencil there and took pictures and the kid slept through it all. Coolest kid EVER? I think so. MLIA ."
(if that's not amazing, I don't know what is.)

Really, this website stop was a necessity people. I mean, I get inspired by the fact people are constantly referencing authors like J.K. Rowling. AND I need to keep up to date with what happens in normal people's lives right?? I mean my characters need to be a little normal right?? Where else could I get that kind of info??? I mean...really, it's research and it's essential. (I know some of your are raising eyebrows, really, this is essential for me to be a good GREAT author so put those eyebrows down.)

b. www.hulu.com how else can I catch up on my favorite TV shows when inspiration strikes and I have no way to not write. If inspiration comes your way you take it...and then play catch up with TV later right?? I mean, I can't not write because the new episode of SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLIANS is starting??  And yet, I can't miss out on that. What could I talk to people in my classes about??? Class itself??? don't make me laugh.

c. www.facebook.com hello, just because I'm a writer, college student and person looking for a job doesn't mean I shouldn't have a social life right?? It's essential. I can't give up my farm on farville!! It'll all DIE. Do I want to be responsible for cyberplants dying? NOOOOOO!!! What kind of agriculture teacher would I be if I let my farm fail?? A bad one right? I agree.

Let me show you how incredibly awesome, amazing, and essential these websites are to your life!!! You could NEVER survive as a writer or other kind of person without them! WARN YOU about these fabulous HAZARDOUS websites. They could have side effects including but not limited to:

laughter, giggling, enjoyment, entertainment, daydreaming, hilarity, inspiration, never getting anything done, laziness, EPIC FAILURES on challenges, deadlines passing without notice, failure of classes/occupation, stagnant relationships, believing in cyberanimals/plants/buildings/farms, uncontrollable urges to revisit, and have surrounding walls close in on you.


Should you experience any of these symptoms please do a self-evaluation of your life and make sure you're still living it. (and maybe consult a good friend and share with them these fabulous websites so they can be addicted to them with you your troubles. Ask them to be your accountability partner.)

Any websites you like to frequent?? (warn me about them in the comments so I'll avoid  be sure to check them out. )

11 comments:

Aubrie said...

Ha, that's funny! I spend way too much time on people.com, the online version of people magazine looking at pictures of the stars and the gowns they wear to events. It's really distracting.

Christine Danek said...

Very funny! Thanks for the sites. I spend too much time on amazon.com and 6pm.com. Who doesn't love a great bargain?:)

Jody Hedlund said...

Sometimes I fail in my word count goals too! But at least we tried, and that's the important thing!

BTW, I the gray type against the blue background is really hard to read (for your examples A & B). Not sure if it's just me and my eyesight, or if it's hard for everyone. But just wanted to make you aware! :-)

Amy Tate said...

Hi Bethany! I can't read half your post - the blue background is too dark on my laptop. I'll check back later. Have a great one!

Kelly Lyman said...

I love Hulu! Did you ever see the episode of The Family Guy where Stewie is badgering Brian about writing his book- research it- so funny. I would love to somehow figure out a way to get in on my blog!

Amalia T. said...

facebook, gmail, and this writer's forum that I'm a part of at Penny Arcade (the webcomic). I lose hours!

oh, and blogger. Blogger is doom and awesome mixed into one.

Bethany Mattingly said...

Aubrie, I can see myself getting sucked into that one too. :)

Christine, I LOVE good bargains too. Amazon is another time sucker for me :) Glad to know I'm not alone.

Jody and Amy, I'm not sure why it did that. I think I have it fixed now!

Kelly, no I didn't see that episode but I really want to now :) AHHH! I can hear it calling my name. Must Be Strong! Must Write and then Watch!!! :)

Amalia, I've never heard of Penny Arcade, I'll have to check it out. I agree with blogger. It's dangerously awesome!!

Tiffany Neal said...

Oh my gosh. You sound like me! I am so ADHD! I loved this post! :)

Nicole Ducleroir said...

Sounds like my weekend!! Don't worry, the muse is a fickle beast, but she'll be back, raring to go -- probably at a moment when you have a lot of housework that should get done...at least, that's how it works with me!!

Great blog -- I look forward to following!

Bethany Mattingly said...

Tiffany, :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Nicole, ha ha, I hope so. You're definitely right about her showing up during housework, does it to me all the time. :) Thanks for visiting!

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